All out
by VirKatJol
Summary: Sequel to a All In. Vala and Cam discover what happened on the other planet, how she got pregnant. Written for Stargateland's Big Bang Challenge.


Title: All Out

Author: virkatjol

Rating: NC-17

Word count: ~16,000

Summary: Sequel to a All In. Vala and Cam discover what happened on the other planet, how she got pregnant. Written for Stargateland's Big Bang Challenge.

Warnings: rape, kinda.

Disclaimer: Not mine. But Vala likes to come out and play.

A/N: When deciding what to do for the challenge I was like I need plot. OH LOOK pre-made plot here. There were plenty of questions to answer and I know that dizzydame wouldn't mind me taking her auction prompt further. She's so unselfish like that. C and V got a little out of hand. But I got them reined in and under control again. Maybe. This is for dizzydame who i bossed to read as I went. Even though she doesn't like to do it that way. Also for Faeriehallie cause she ships it too. And the ever awesome valhallalilly you're my constant bb. ;)

a/n: This was only sorta BETA'd. I'm lazzzzzzzyyyyyy… hee forgive my typos. :) Also i apologize for any formatting by the couple italics I have. I always write with the LJ code in. :)

The prick of the small round disc always surprised her. It always made her flinch. She'd been hooked up to a few versions of this memory device in her years with the Tokra. After they'd extracted Qetesh from her head they subjected her to the retrieval of her memories. They wanted to make sure they had on record all the evil deeds that the Gou'ald goddess had done in her lifetime.

It had been horrible. She'd finally been freed from the duty of being a host. It looked like she was going to be able to move on, make a life, find friends, do something that didn't involve world domination and murder. But they weren't ready for her to leave. As part of her payment for the procedure she was required to remember.

This time wasn't nearly as awful. She just wanted to know what happened with the Grendila. She wanted to know how she got pregnant. Why she was with child. As hard as she'd tried on her own she couldn't break through whatever they'd done to make sure she didn't know.

She took a deep breath and looked over at Cameron. He was sitting as close as he could. It was too far away but nothing could be done. He'd interfere with the memories. His smile calmed her and she nodded at Sam to begin.

The first memory hit her at the base of her skull and made her feel as if she'd been physically struck. She fought the draw of darkness, struggled with her need to succumb.

The first flash of images started and she screamed.

2 weeks earlier

The twitching and whimpering brought him out of his deep sleep. He was curled around Vala and her skin felt clammy under his palm. The noises were coming from her throat and as he reached consciousness he could practically feel the distress in her. Cameron hated the nightmares that had started. She was six months pregnant and they'd started about a month ago.

Every time she woke up she didn't remember what she was dreaming about. He'd tried to let her work through it in her dreams but the nightmares seemed to consume her the longer he went without waking her. He'd talked to the psychologist at Stargate Command about it and they'd suggested letting her sleep through them to try to resolve it in her head.

After she'd tumbled off the edge of the bed and almost landed on her belly Cam had stopped allowing it to go that far. He'd wait until she got violent and then he'd start to nuzzle her neck and rub her stomach. He'd clutch her close to his chest and confine her until she came out of her nightmare.

"Vala, honey, it's Cam." He kissed her ear and slipped the hand that was under his head under hers. His palm caressed the skin covering their child as he braced her against him with his bicep against her thighs. He threw a knee over her legs as her struggle started to get more serious.

"Come on little mama, wake up. I'm here, Princess." It always worried him when she took this long to come to. Sometimes it was instant but in the last month it seemed like they liked to keep their grip on her mind. He didn't appreciate that it was becoming harder to pull her back to him. Something had to be done.

He felt her tense and gasp loudly.

"Cam?" Her voice was shaking as she finally came too. She felt his grip relax and flipped over and buried her head into his chest. The tears surprised her. She didn't usually start crying after one of her episodes. "I can't remember. Why can't I ever remember?" She choked out the words between her sobs.

"Shhh, baby, Vala, we'll figure this out." He rubbed her back as she wept against him. The tears worried him more than anything. Vala was a hardened soul she was sensitive but it didn't usually send her to episodes of choking sobs. The hormones that came with pregnancy might have something to do with it but he knew that the stress of not being able to shake the nightmares and not remember them was driving her over the edge of sanity.

"I'm going completely wonko! They'll want to take my baby. Don't let them take it! Cam, please, I'm not crazy-"

"Vala." He pulled her back so he could look her in the eyes. They were red rimmed and her cheeks were streaked with tears. She sniffled but his voice paused her weeping. "I won't let them take our baby. This one is yours and mine. We're in this together. You aren't alone, baby. Not this time."

"Do you think that's why I'm having these bad dreams?"

"Fear of them taking the baby?"

"No, I'm just scared of being left, alone, without you… I am so-" Vala turned red from saying all these things. She knew in her heart that Cam wouldn't ever leave her alone to fend for herself and the child. He loved her. Se loved him. It couldn't be that.

"I'm never going to do that." Cam kissed her mouth. Her lips were salted with her tears and soft from sleep. She opened for him and sleepily kissed him in return. "Is that really what you're worried about?"

"I don't think so…"

"Good. I don't what that to ever be something that you think about. Okay?"

"Mmkay." She grabbed his head and pulled him back down for another kiss. His hand was moving from her belly and traveling up to her breasts. They were getting larger, heavier from the baby that was growing inside her. They ached at times and his fingers seemed to soothe her. Her nipples felt constantly needy for his mouth or hands.

"Do they hurt tonight?" Cameron palmed one and lifted it up. She moaned into his mouth as he kissed her again, capturing the sound against his lips. His thumb swiped over her tight bud. She shuddered under his touch and shook her head at him. "Good."

Cam dipped his head down and kissed her neck. He pressed her away so she'd be on her back. His mouth slipped across her flesh until he reached the soft swell of the top of her breast. He licked at her skin and continued his descent. His palm held her steady as his mouth made a wet trail to her nipple.

"Need you." She moaned the words. After her nightmares they'd make love. She'd feel his physical love for her and it would allow her to sleep through the night. His mouth took her nipple and she called out his name. Her hand raked through his hair and held his head in place. She loved her nippled suckled. Cameron used the perfect amount of pressure and suction. He'd learned what she loved quickly. It was almost second nature to him like he'd spent years exploring her body already.

He let her hard bud slip free with a nice popping sound then he blew air across it. Cam watched it tighten as the breeze passed across it. The sounds she was making now were sending shots of arousal down to his groin. His cock was taking direction from her nipple.

"God, princess, I want you."

"I'm all yours Cameron." She arched her back and her thighs parted trying to get him between them. "I can feel that you want me. I told you sleeping naked was the only way."

"When you're right, you're right, little mama." He lowered his head to capture her nipple again. He suckled her as his hand made it's way back down her body. He rubbed circles around the baby bump before continuing to her sex. The smooth skin felt good under his fingertips. He used his pointer finger to tease along her slit. The moisture had already gathered and her lips parted with so little pressure that he moaned against her breast. She was so slick and he hadn't pressed into her folds yet.

"I want to come, please, Cam. I need it." Her clit throbbed with desire for him. His finger skimmed along the side of it as he teased her.

"Always impatient, so impatient." He mumbled around the tip of her breast. His finger finally slipped between her folds and petted her back and forth. He didn't touch her clit instead he slipped a finger into her sheath.

She murmured his name some more and then reached down to grasp his hand. Her fingers gripped his wrist and she set the pace of his finger. The digit moved in and out, she started slowly but soon wanted more.

Cam indulged her impatience for a little while. He licked at the tip of her nipple a few times and then rose up on his elbow to gain a better view. Watching her hand guide his hand towards her end. After a couple more pumps he stilled his arm.

"Hey!" She tugged as hard as she could but the angle around her stomach was making it impossible to gain enough leverage. Plus he was much stronger than her. "I need you." She drew out the last word and pouted prettily at him.

"I need you too. But you'll come faster than I want you to if I let you go on."

"You can make me come more than once."

"Oh, I know, Princess. You've always been sensitive but this baby seems to put your libido in overdrive." He kissed her mouth and then slid down on the mattress. Cam paused at her stomach and placed kisses all around her belly. His cheek rested there for a moment and he looked up at her. She just smiled at him and her palm stroked his cheek.

"Is our child a good pillow?"

"Mmm, the very best. I thought I should rest for a minute before you wear me out." Cameron grabbed her wrist and angled her palm over his mouth. He rested his lips against it before snaking his tongue out and teasing her skin. He felt her shiver of pleasure as he went to move again.

Vala parted her thighs as he moved between them. She'd make room for him if he was planning to put that mouth of his to good use. Luckily for her Cameron wasn't just all talk. His tongue was very useful in other areas as well.

He started by nuzzling her thigh with his nose. She was too close to the edge and he wanted her to come down a little bit. His lips trailed along the silky skin inside her thigh as he moved up towards her sex. Her scent overwhelmed him as he drew closer and he felt his cock twitch against the sheets. He skipped over her slick folds to pay attention to her other thigh. His tongue made a trail, tracing a pattern in the light smattering of freckles he found.

"Cameron… Please…" She tried to grab at his short hair but he batted her hands away. Vala could feel the moisture leaking from her body he knew how to turn her on and it was sweet torture. He'd keep her anticipating the first touch forever before finally letting her have her way.

"Baby, what do you want?"

"You know." Vala blushed a little. She was still a little shy to tell him what to do. She put on a brave front in public but when all was said and done she liked to give vague orders and not demand anything from Cameron. She was worried about scaring him off.

His head hovered above her, his lips brushed the swollen lips of her sex as he spoke. The sleek, musky moisture touching him and making him feel the rush he got whenever he tasted her.

"Tell me, Vala."

She loved how he said her name when they made love. It was full of want and need and he made her feel like she was the pivotal key in fulfilling everything for him.

"I want… Your mouth on my… my clit."

Cam pushed in closer, her folds parting against her chin, his tongue took a taste and both of them moaned. He liked to savor the first lick. He let her flavor coat his mouth. His hands joined in now. It was time to let her come.

He took her tight, swollen bundle of nerves between his lips and started suckling on it.

Vala pulled her knees up and grabbed on with her hands. It opened her up more and he took more of her clit into his mouth. She could feel her first orgasm right below the surface. Her body was abuzz with the vibrations of impending climax. Cam knew exactly how hard to work her with his lips how to flick his tongue across the sensitive head, he knew the quickest way to get her off and the most effective way to hold her on the edge.

"You taste so good. God, I love eating you out." Her clit slipped from his lips as he spoke and she rolled her hips to try to regain the connection. He lapped at her folds and prodded at her opening with her tongue. A flood a moisture coated his tongue as her entered her. He moved in and out of her as deeply as he could. He knew it felt good but wouldn't be enough. She tasted delicious and he wanted to make this last.

"Cameron…" She whined at him, she'd been right there, so close, and he's stopped. Well not completely, but he'd left her clit and while it felt really good she just wanted to come.

"Okay, Princess, you'll get what you want." He plunged his tongue into her sheath a couple more times before working his way back up to her pleasure nub. It was throbbing with desire for him and he grinned as his lips closed around it once more. One of his hand lowered and he slipped two fingers into her hot tunnel. A hum started in his throat and travel down his tongue, vibrating her clitoris as he began pumping his fingers in and out of her.

"Oh, just.. there… yes…" She panted and sighed as he hit all the right spots. His fingers worked her steadily letting her body build back up. He flicked his tongue perfectly over her. Arousal flooded around his fingers as she drew closer to her climax. She tightened around him and she felt the light scrape of his teeth. It sent her back arching and her hand gripped and pulled at her knees. She felt wound so tightly and then it it her. She called his named as she came. Her insides tried to squeeze the blood from his fingers as her body gripped him.

Cameron's hips were rolling against the bed as his cock responded to the feeling of her rippling around his fingers. He wanted to be inside her. He brought her down and pulled his fingers free of her. He stuck them in his mouth and cleaned her juices off them.

Her belly was getting large, but he was still able to make love to her in missionary position. He couldn't kiss her any longer but she knew just where to place her legs to bring them both the most pleasure. It had taken a few attempts but they'd found a way that worked.

He rubbed the head of his cock through her folds, her juices coated him and he took a moment to press it to her clit. He felt her shudder with the beginnings of a second orgasm.

"I want you inside me." She tried to wiggle her hips around to move him into place. She couldn't quite get him where she needed him. The baby was in the way and he wasn't cooperating.

"I want to be there." He doesn't wait now. He pressed down on his cock and lines it up with her opening. Cam shifts and the head slips inside her. The heat surrounding him makes him grunt as he moves forward. His hips descend until he's buried deep within her warmth. She's wet and tight and like heaven. No matter how many times they do this he won't ever get over the initial intensity of being connected to her.

"Mmm… Perfect."

"Everything feels good still… I'm not… the baby's okay?" He's always worried about the little life inside her. He doesn't want to do anything that might harm him… or her.

"Move, Cameron." She tipped her foot up to his ass and tapped on him. She smiled as he listened and began to pump into her. She was ultra sensitive from her climax and knew that it wouldn't take much more to get her off again. "Faster." She wanted it. She was greedy.

"God, you are amazing."

They didn't talk much after that, he just kissed at her arm as his cock slid in and out of her sheath. He was so hard from her coming in his mouth that he knew this wasn't going to last long.

He could feel her getting closer and wedged one of his hands between them. He flicked his thumb across her clit in tempo with his hips. She was milking him for all he was worth now, squeezing and releasing as he moved inside her. She finally tensed around him and he felt the convulsing that went along with her orgasm. Her lips were pursed in concentration and her hands slipped from her knees. Just looking at her face scrunched in reaction to the sensations shooting though her was enough to send him reeling.

His orgasm slammed into him and he lost his breath. His cock throbbed as he emptied into her. Orgasms were a whole different ballgame with Vala. She always made him feel more. His natural reaction after he started to come down from his pleasure was to flop onto her. He couldn't do that any longer. His arms shook with effort as he rolled onto his side and pulled her to face him.

"God, Vala, that's so good."

She nodded, dark hair mussed against the pillow, and smiled a sated happy, smile at him. Her eyes drifted shut as her breathing came down.

Cam stroked her shoulder and back as she found a happy place to fall back into slumber. His kissed her forehead before tucking her close to his chest and falling asleep again himself.

The screaming woke him. He glanced at the clock and saw it had only been two hours. Something had to be done. Usually the sex put her to sleep for the rest of the night.

He tugged on her shoulder and brought her slowly out of her nightmare. Tears streaked her face as she came back to consciousness.

"Baby, we need to do something…"

She nodded and pulled herself closer to him.

"You need your sleep. It's not good for you or the baby."

"I'm trying Cameron." She pleaded with him not to do anything drastic. "I don't mean to wake you up. I know… You have important missions and… I don't' want to bother you."

"Oh, Vala, sweetheart, you aren't bothering me. You're making me sick with worry." He sighed at the look of relief that washed over her face. "I'm going to talk to them tomorrow… er later today about retrieving the memories. They're trying to break free and something is making you hold it all inside."

"I don't want to remember."

"I know you don't. You can't go on like this though." He rolled onto his back and tugged her to follow. The bump of their child pressed against his hip. Her head fell against his shoulder and his lips brushed the top of her head. "Maybe it's not as bad as you think?"

"It's giving me nightmares that I can't remember. I can't sleep though the night anymore. I'm thinking it's probably worse than I think now."

"We'll have Sam use that memory-"

"No. No, don't make me do that."

She was shaking against him with the suggestion.

"Vala, I don't know any other way to bring the memories to the surface. You need to get them out."

"I can't…"

"Shhhh." Cam didn't know why the Tokra memory device upset her so much.

"After Qetesh they used…"

His arms tightened around her back and she stifled a sob into his shoulder.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. But I'm here to listen if you need me."

Her hot breath saturated his shoulder as she cried. Soon the weeping turned quieter and she tried to dig her way into him. Her body wiggled around as if she couldn't possibly be close enough.

"They used the memory device on my everyday." Her voice was soft and barely audible at first. Soon, as she spoke longer, she became more confident and less fearful of his judgement. She'd always needed to be strong. Now she was trying to let the walls down, to let Cam in. She desperately needed to let go. She ached from holding it all in for so long. "It was painful at first. Physically. After a while it just became exhausting. No matter how many times I repeated the same stories they always believed I was holding back. They required every bit of information that I possessed about Qetesh. Where her treasures were, which planets were within her realm. How many people I'd slaughtered during my time as host for her. It was awful. I had to relive the most horrendous things I'd done over and over again."

"Oh, darling." He held her hard against him, the firmer his grip the more she seemed to melt into his body. Cam pressed hard against the muscles in her back and felt the tension seep out. She was to wound up from the lost sleep and the thought of using the device again. It was no wonder she was having night terrors.

"It went on forever. I thought I'd die from the metal torture instead of being persecuted for the Goddess that no longer possessed me. But I wasn't that lucky. After about six months of the daily treatments they released me."

"Six months?" He was horrified at how long she'd been made to remember a time he knew she'd rather forget. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you then."

"It's alright. You're here now and… I'd rather not go through all that again. If it's all the same to you."

"Vala, Princess… if I could see any other way I'd never ask you to do this. But… I just don't know how we are going to get to the knowledge of what happened on that planet if we don't jump past your mental blockade to the memories."

Cam felt her shiver and he pulled the blankets across their cooling bodies. She continued to shake as the warmth began to spread under the covers. His hand swept over her arms trying to ward off the chill. He felt the gooseflesh under his palm and the friction began to sooth her pebbled skin.

"Can I think about it?"

"Yeah. I'll give you time. But you need to sleep, the nightmares are just getting worse."

"How much time?" She was frightened. The memory device scared her more than never finding out what happened to her.

"How much do you think is fair?" Cam wanted her to set the limits. She was so fragile with the pregnancy and no matter how the child was conceived it was still theirs and he didn't want any harm to come to it.

"Two weeks."

"Ok, honey, two weeks it is. If you're still waking up in the middle of the night screaming we'll get you an appointment with the memory device."

"You'll stay right?"

"Always." He kissed her head as she drifted into a fitful sleep. At least it didn't seem to be true night terrors.

Present Day

"What's happening, Vala?" Sam's voice tried to steady her as her screaming paused to gasp for air. "Concentrate on what you're seeing and talk to me. Remember it's not real."

"Cameron!" She yelled for him.

Sam glared at Cam, stopping him from answering. He couldn't speak or he'd interfere with her memory of what actually happened that day. Sam didn't want to put her through this again. She saw Cam struggle to tamp down his need to go to her and comfort her.

'Vala, tell me what's happening. I need you to talk to me. Listen to my voice. You're safe in SGC, nothing is going to hurt you again. Okay?"

"Yes. Safe in SGC… I see… They have Cameron."

Sam looked to Cam to make sure he was behaving. He nodded at her and settled into his chair. They'd discussed the fact that he wasn't going to let it go too far. No matter how much she needed to remember the memory device had done so much to her already he didn't know which was worse for her. They decided to play it by ear. He wouldn't stand by for long if she was too distressed. They'd called in another Doctor to place monitors on the baby as well as Vala. Cameron wasn't allowing Dr. Lam to treat her or the child after the incident.

"What are they doing to him Vala?"

Cam didn't know how Sam could remain so calm. He was trying to control his breathing but his grip on the arms of the chair tightened despite his outward demeanor.

"They are dragging him somewhere… He's struggling to get to me and… and they hit him! Don't hit him!"

"He's going to be alright, don't worry, Cam's safe. What are they doing now?"

"He didn't go out from that hit and now they are injecting something into his head. It's big and… oh God, I don't know what they are giving him. He seems to be less responsive now, but not unconscious. It's like he's in a coma or something but not… I don't know."

"That's alright, what are they doing now?" Sam didn't want her to puzzle anything out she wanted her to move through the events so that they could find out what happened to her. If she stayed on one thing too long it could end up like a skip in a record.

"They are talking to me. Something about Qetesh and how I'm here. I'm not her anymore though. They don't seem to know. I don't think that Qetesh was part of this system, I'm not sure how they know of her… me…"

Cameron sighed from his chair and got a stern glance from Sam. He covered his mouth and just gave her a sad look. He knew this wasn't going to end well. If he was still aware, even a little, he was almost positive where this was going. He didn't know if he, they, could handle the implications.

"It doesn't matter how they know, but they do, what's next?"

"They take me to a room and it's small. There isn't much to it. One of them has a needle and it's got some yellowish liquid in it and they're coming at me with it. They whisper amongst each other." Vala's forehead scrunches up as if she's trying her hardest to listen in on the conversation playing out in her mind. "Something about fertility and fighting and I can't make out anything concrete." She sighs as if disappointed by her own lack of concentration on grabbing the words. "They have three men move me to the table in the room and before laying me on it I'm stripped naked. The table is cold and the straps on the sides are cinched tightly across me."

"Vala, I don't want you to think about what they are making you feel. I just want the course of events." Sam didn't want her to have an emotional breakdown in the middle of this. Her eyes met Cam's across the room and she knew that he'd come to the same conclusion that she'd just reached. Neither of them wanted to believe it.

"I struggled against my binding but it was no use. The wide leather was too tight and the man with the syringe approached quickly. I felt a prick against my belly, kinda to the side." She motioned above where her left ovary would lie. They both noticed a flinch as her finger touched that spot. "It felt funny and there was a sharp pain but it was short. I'm not sure what it was. Then that's when I saw Cameron again. They'd led him into the room and I don't think that he was even aware that I was in there with him. It was like he was asleep but not… It's hard to describe."

"You're doing well, Vala, keep going." Sam didn't want to hear it. She knew that she'd signed up for something that might be unpleasant but she wanted to be there for her friend. She didn't want a stranger to witness her falling apart. Sam wasn't sure that Cam trusted anyone else to do this for them either. He'd been adamant that the Tokra had nothing to do with this.

"They pricked me with something else and I felt really relaxed. Like I'd just found a wonderful place to nap and was about to drift off. That nice steady, sleepy place. They stripped Cam naked then. My eyes were half closed but I watched them do it. I'd been thinking about doing that myself and was a bit miffed that some random aliens we'd just met got the pleasure."

Cam smirked at that. Only Vala would add that narrative to such a serious situation. Carter shot him a grin too. She was still their Vala.

"I could see that Cam was ready for sex. His penis was hard. I liked it." Vala made a deep groaning noise in the back of her throat. "They handed him a container and faced him towards me. They used the table I was strapped to to spread my legs and they placed one of his hands on my sex. It felt nice."

The tears surprised him, they weren't unexpected after hearing that he'd touched her without her permission, but he hadn't realized that they began until one dripped across his hand. Cameron Mitchell couldn't believe it, he'd deserved it when Dr. Lam had tossed him in the brig. They should have thrown the keys away. He'd take himself back down there after they were through.

"They forced Cam to touch you?" Sam's voice shook as she asked. She could see it was ripping his heart out. It was tearing her own out of her chest. He was one of her best friends and she'd come to love Vala like a little, trouble making sister. She didn't like what this knowledge would do to them.

"Yes, but it was alright. I love Cameron." She said it so matter of fact like that Cam almost believe that it was okay. "He rubbed me nicely and i felt a heat inside of me that wasn't familiar. After a few minutes I was very hot all over, not a normal type of sexy time hot, it was strange. They seemed to know though because they pulled his hand off of me. They put it on his own arousal and then they helped him stroke himself."

He stood from the chair, as quietly as he could, and went to sit in the corner of the room. He tried to bring back an inkling of the memory of this but nothing haunted his mind. Not a whisper of the incident dared to peak through to the surface.

"He was hard and glistened with my juices." Vala went on. "The one man, a doctor looking one, held onto the container with Cam. It seemed very important that they catch his… his…" She was looking for the word.

"Semen?" Sam offered.

"Yes, thanks, semen." Vala seemed to happily recall this part. "It didn't take long at all for him to reach his climax. Watching it made the heat that was still filling my body intensify. It felt like I was burning up. I could smell him in the air of the small room and it was driving my body wild."

In the corner, Cam turned red with embarrassment. Not only was he naked and beating off to a strapped down, drugged Vala, but he couldn't even last long. His day couldn't get much worse. He longed to tell her that he was sorry. He choked back the words.

"They collected every drop. The doctor was quite the expert because Cam jerked around a lot. After he was finished he collapsed. One of the other men kinda caught him and held him upright." Vala wiggled around in her chair the heat of her memory was effecting her body now too. "The guy with the lab coat, well he grabbed a long tube and collected the product of Cameron into it. Then he stood between my legs and he, well, her inserted it into me."

Cam's fist made a dull thud against the wall and Sam and Vala jumped. Sam's finger told him to regain control and Vala seemed to lose focus.

"Then what did he do Vala?" She tried to bring her back to the memory instead of the noise that Cam had made. Sometimes his temper got the better of him, especially where Vala was involved.

"Well it felt warm. He seemed to be putting the semen inside me… I guess. All I could feel was the burning heat though. When he finished it seemed like i was on fire. Right in my belly felt like lava. The man placed Cam's hand back where it had been first. My clit, yes?" Sam confirmed the name for her. "I climaxed and then the heat was completely gone. I don't know why. It felt good though. After that everything went black and the next memory I can find is waking up to Cam in that cold cell under some blankets. I was so happy to see him."

"You did good, Vala. Really good." Sam walked over and touched her then. Her hands gripped the alien woman's. She talked her through the extraction of the disc. "I'm going to turn off the device now." Vala nodded. "It's off and now I'm going to remove it, you know that this hurts a bit." She watched her prepare for the pain and carefully removed the disc. Vala closed her eyes and flinched but after a second she breathed in a calming, deep breath. She just sat there for a moment squeezing tightly to Sam's hand. She knew now. They all knew.

She worked up the courage to open her eyes after what seemed like an hour. She stared at the floor. She didn't want to look at him. She knew what she'd see and Vala didn't want to let him down. She didn't want him to find their child a dirty product of some experiment. He must hate her.

He didn't know what to think when she just sat there starring at the floor. She couldn't even look at him anymore. She hated him that much. He couldn't control himself around her when he was under the influence of some mild drugs. He didn't blame her. He hated himself. He should just leave. She didn't need him around. He'd basically raped her. Carolyn had been right and he'd done it. He couldn't believe that he would but it was true. He felt sick and he walked towards the door.

Just as his hand touched the handle and cranked the latch he paused and looked at her. She picked that time to finally give him a look at her face. Her eyes spoke volumes and the tears that started to fall as soon as she met his gaze sealed his fate. He choked back his own cry and opened the door. Before he slipped out he waited a moment. He looked at her.

"I'm sorry, Vala, you don't know how much. I can't.. I can never make any of what I did up. I'm just going to… I'm going to go."

She gasped at his words. How could he just walk out on her like that. She tried to speak but the sound died in her throat. The door creaked shut and she was left sitting in the chair with only Samantha by her side.

Vala knew that it had all been a terrible idea. The memory device had never brought anything but heartache and pain with it. Even what she'd gained from using it this time, relief from the nightmares, the knowledge that she'd only felt love for him during it all, the fact that the child really was a product of their union, all of it meant nothing when Cameron walked out that door.

She began to tear at the cords that were attached to her. She had to go after him. Sam's hands were warm against hers as they still them.

"Let me do it." Sam smiled at her and it seemed to calm her need to race after Cam. "You should give him some time. Let him cope a little first."

"He believes he did it now. He thinks he raped me. But it's not true. We were both raped of something that should have been ours."

"All he can see right now is that you were violated by him. He needs to think about it for a time before he'll even listen to what you have to say. You know how Mitchell is." Sam carefully removed all the monitor discs that were attached to Vala's skin. She flipped off all the machines as she went and the room became eerily silent.

"I still don't understand why they did that to us…" Vala's voice broke the silence as Sam stepped back to allow her to get out of her chair.

"Well, the Grendila are known for their experimentation on other species. We were on the planet in the first place to try to free a powerful diplomat from their prison. Of course, they'd already agreed the let him free. The ambush had been unexpected by us but apparently planned." Sam took her arm and began walking with her back to her quarters. She'd wanted to give Cam some time before they followed him out of the room.

"But I don't understand why they chose Cameron and me."

"We don't really know either. Except the fact that as members of SG-1 you aren't as well known as the rest of us. Perhaps they thought that you were just there as a favor to us and not really part of the team."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm not really part of the team…" Vala stopped and leaned against the wall in the corridor they were in. She'd never admitted that to anyone. Not even Cameron. "I don't know, Sam, I guess I'm not really anymore. You need Cameron more than me on missions and I'm quite sure he's not going to want me around after what happened in that room. Not that I am fit for duty for another five or six months anyway…"

Sam just pulled Vala into her arms. She knew what it felt like to be sitting on the outside of something desperately trying to find a fit. She'd done that most of her life until finding the SGC.

"Hey now, Vala. You're an important part of the team now. Don't ever think otherwise. You wouldn't be on SG-1 if we didn't all believe that. You think we let just anyone on the most elite team in the Air Force?" Vala pulled free of the hug and shook her head. She let out a relieved chuckle and then a deep sigh. She looked exhausted all of a sudden. "Lets get you back to your room. You look like you need to rest."

"I'm feeling rather unwell." She leaned against Sam as they made their way to her room. She'd not felt so off since her morning sickness had dissipated.

They got her to her quarters in time for her to make it to the bathroom. Sam could hear her vomiting but left her in peace. She knew that she couldn't offer her the comfort that she needed. When the sound of flushing was followed by the water in the sink running Sam called to her.

"Vala, do you need anything?"

"I'm fine, I think…" Vala stomach still felt uneasy but there wasn't anything left inside it. "Can you get my pajama's? They are in the second drawer."

"Sure." She puled out the softest looking pair and brought them to the bathroom. The door creaked as she pushed it open and she was surprised to find the other woman already naked. Sam averted her eyes and held out the pink flannel pj's. She saw Vala slip them on out of the corner of her eye and then helped her to bed.

"Can you not tell Cameron I was sick?"

"Vala…" Sam didn't like lying to him and she was about to go talk to him. Vala seemed to sense her intentions and was trying to prevent what Sam knew needed to happen.

"I just don't want him to come to me cause he thinks he's got to. I want him to want to…" Vala sighed and flopped down against the pillow. Sam covered her with the blankets and tucked her in. "Does that make sense? My brain is still a bit furry and I don't want him to think he has to do anything he's not comfortable with."

"I won't make that promise. I can tell you I won't be the one to bring it up."

"That will have to be enough then." Vala rolled onto her back and starred at the ceiling. The boring steel gray color aiding her in relaxing. "Thanks for everything, Sam." She whispered as she felt the woman heading to the door.

"If you need anything…"

"I'll call you." She heard the door click and waited till her footsteps could no longer be heard. "But the only one I need won't be coming…"

Vala felt utterly alone now. The room seemed to suck down around her as the silence engulfed her. She felt the wet streaks falling down her temples as she cried. There wasn't any noise with her tears this time. She closed her eyes to try to flirt with slumber but nothing came.

Her whole body ached with emptiness she'd not slept alone in months. She missed his quiet presence, his heat and the soft dip that angled her into his body. The calmness that he seemed to allow to settle around her was gone now and she lifted her hand to her mouth to cover the awful sound that tried to escape.

She knew that she needed to sleep. She desired nothing more than for her body to relax enough that she'd be able to slip off into the dark world of her dreams. The nausea had practically left her since laying in bed but something was too off for her to fall into the grasp of the sandman. She reached for Cam's pillow and hugged it against her. It smelled like him still and she rolled onto her side and cuddled closely to the soft foam. She buried her face against the cotton and inhaled.

The scent of him soothed her. She steadied her breathing and slowly drifted into sleep. Letting the world disappear as she surrendered to the darkness.

Sam found Mitchell in his room. She checked the brig first just to make sure he wasn't crazy enough to actually admit himself. She didn't know if Jack could get him out scott free again, especially if he was turning himself in for raping her.

"Hey." Sam peaked her head into his door. She'd knocked and he'd bid her entrance. "You wanna talk?"

Cam was sitting in the hard, uncomfortable chair in the corner of the room. His elbows were propped on his knees and face in his hands. He just shook his head at her.

"There's nothing you can say to make this okay, Sam." Cam looked up at her and stood up. He felt like he had to move around. His mind was screaming at him to stay far from Vala but his body craved her touch. He didn't deserve to hold her after what he'd done.

"I could tell you the truth." Sam put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "It's not your fault. You were drugged. Vala doesn't blame you. In fact, I'm pretty sure that she misses you, terribly."

"Sam, how can she even want to look at me after knowing the truth?" He walked away from his friend and began pacing. "How can she want to be around me, to have my child? I don't think that even Vala is that forgiving."

"I don't think that she thinks that there is anything to forgive you for. Cam, she's been through something awful-"

"All of it my doing."

"No, all of it the Grendila."

"I'm the one who touched her. I masturbated to her strapped to a table… God, Sam, I can't forgive myself." He picked up the basketball in the corner and tossed it hard against the far wall. It bounced hard, crashing into the chair and knocking it over.

"Cameron Mitchell."

He glared at Carter. He didn't know if he could hear what she wanted to say.

"Sam."

"That woman loves you, she's in love with you. She's six months pregnant with your child. She just had memories ripped from her brain and then the man she loves, more than she even knows, ditched her! You just walked out on her! How could you do that to her?"

"I…" Cam slowed his pacing and sat down on the edge of his bed. "I couldn't stay. I just… I couldn't look at her after knowing how'd I'd been the one to violate her. She trusted me, Sam, she trusted me and I did that to her!"

"Yes, you did." The shocked look on his face made her stifle a grin. "Vala knows. She knows that you did that. She isn't angry, she's not upset about the fact that it was you that touched her. Do you know how much worse for her it would have been if it had been one of the other people? Stop thinking about your goddamn self, Cameron Mitchell. Did you even stop to consider that she's relieved that it was you?"

"I don't think that's the word you are looking for, relieved…"

"Instead of feeling dirty after her memory recovery she just felt better. The fact that it was the man who loved her made everything a relief. You'd know that but you walked out on her!" Sam couldn't remember the last time she spoke so harshly to anyone.

Cam was silent, he needed to think. Was Vala truly not upset about him being made to touch her, to touch himself and then being impregnated? He'd witnessed her temper in the past and wasn't the guy who enjoyed being on the receiving end of it. He wasn't a coward. Why was he acting like one now?

"How is she?"

"I was told not to answer that question. You'll have to go to her yourself."

"Sam…"

"No, I'm not going to give you something you haven't earned. She deserves more." She patted him on the shoulder and walked to the door. "Whatever you decide to do, don't wait too long. She needs to know so she can make decisions. She shouldn't have to put a hold on her life because you can't forgive yourself."

"Thanks, Sam, for taking care of her when I couldn't… didn't." He sighed as she walked out the door. He had decisions to make. He had to look at what he was, what he wanted to be and if he could stand to look into her eyes and take what he saw there.

He knew that he didn't want to live his life without her. Cam just didn't know if he could take the pain that strangled his heart every time he looked into those big, blue eyes. Maybe Sam knew more than he gave her credit for. What if Vala wasn't angry? He didn't know how that was possible but she did help her after the memory retrieval was over. He hated feeling so indecisive and his stomach was tangled up in knots.

If he went to her and she couldn't forgive him could he walk away from her?

He didn't know if he was strong enough.

When Vala woke she was still alone. It took her a moment to remember the events of the day before. She'd slept straight through the night and felt a sense of calm that she hadn't experienced for a long time. Her arms still clutched around the pillow and she felt the baby kick against her kidney which made her wince and then swing out of bed to get to the bathroom.

She thought about Cameron and how he'd reacted when she'd told him that she was pregnant. He'd told her that they'd tell everyone it was his. He'd said that he'd always want her too. He wasn't here now.

She didn't think that she could stay with him on the base. She didn't want him to have trouble leading the team. She knew that she was the most expendable member of that team. She was pregnant and not able to go on missions anyways. She should just go.

Vala thought about what to do. She could go back to her home world but she didn't want to raise this child anywhere else but earth. Her father wasn't a good influence on her and he'd just break her baby's heart over and over like he did with hers. She didn't want to do that to it.

She didn't really know anyone on Earth however. She racked her brain trying to find a way that she would be able to run. She never did well when she felt trapped. She knew that Cameron was feeling like that right now. She was making him feel caged with her in the SGC. He couldn't avoid her well. She had to be the one to leave.

Suddenly she knew where she could go. She knew that she'd be welcome and if Cameron wanted her he could come and find her. She pulled out a duffle bag and began throwing her things into it. She didn't have much time.

Vala didn't want Cameron to catch wind of her plan before she was able to execute it. She'd tell Sam where she was going and then hey'd be able to get a hold of her if something came up.

She needed help planning too so she picked up her phone and dialed the extension to Sam's lab. She answered on the second ring.

"Sam I need your help."

"Whatever you need Vala."

"A plane ticket, a ride, or something similar…."

"How far?" Sam didn't want her to go too far away, she was worried about her friend.

"Not too." Vala gave Sam the run down of her plan and she agreed to take care of everything.

Vala's mouth turned up in a small smile. She was glad that things were working for her. She wanted to make everything happen fast now that she had it in her head to go through with it. The Odyssey would be by in a moment to beam her up and take her where she needed to go.

She wasn't going to tell Cam. He'd made his choice when he left her in that chair.

When the door swung open Vala thought that maybe she should have called. But that thought lasted about half a second before she was being pulled into a tight embrace. She returned the hug right away and was being dragged into the house.

She hadn't been here in a long time. Luckily Sam was able to get the address and make arrangements for her to get all the way here. The Odyssey had been able to beam her down fairly close and then she just walked the rest of the way.

"Vala!"

"I'm sorry for intruding, I just… I needed somewhere to go and I didn't know if this would be okay or not-"

"Don't be silly, I told you that you were always welcome back and I meant it." Wendy Mitchell peaked behind Vala. "Dear, how did you get here?"

"Well, it's a bit complicated, I walked a little ways and before that… well, I'm here." Vala knew that she couldn't talk to her about being beamed in so she just hoped she'd let it go.

"Yes you are. Cameron didn't come with you?" Wendy hadn't expected the unusual woman to show up on her doorstep again without her son.

"I'm alone. Is that a problem? I can go somewhere else… It was wrong of me to not call…" She started to turn to leave but Wendy grabbed her arm.

"I'll not have you leave. Especially not in your condition."

"My condition?" Vala was confused until she realized what Mrs. Mitchell was referring to. Her pregnancy. "Oh yes. I'm pregnant." Vala hadn't expected her not to know. She'd just assumed that Cameron had told his parents about their child. She'd never asked and now she wished that she had. Was he ashamed of her?

"I can see that. Is the father anyone we-"

Her stomach dropped out from under her again. It just confirmed that he hadn't bothered to share the news. Perhaps everything he felt for her didn't mean that much after all. He was extremely close to his mom and dad and yet he couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone to tell them he was going to be a dad? Vala bit the inside of her cheek to try to prevent herself from crying. This hadn't been something she'd expected.

"Please, can we… I'd rather not talk about it." Vala's voice sounded weak even to her own ears and she saw Wendy's expression turned worried.

"Later, dear, you can tell me when you want to." Wendy put her arm around her shoulders and grabbed the duffle bag from her hands. "Frank! Vala is here for-" She stopped when she realized she had no idea how long she was planning on staying.

"I'm not sure…" Vala was embarrassed by her lack of thought to how she'd be imposing on them. She had just needed to escape. This seemed like her only option.

"For a while." Wendy just winked at her. "As long as you need, as long as you need."

Cam knocked four times before opening the door to her quarters. He needed to see her. He was certain that she'd be in the commissary and he'd be able to catch a glimpse of her. It didn't have to be much he just ached to see her face, maybe catch a glimpse of that smile. When he'd stayed long enough to eat three lunches he finally left and went back to work.

He'd tried to concentrate on paperwork for an hour and a half before he couldn't stand it anymore. Something was missing when he was at odds with Vala. The worst part was he knew it was his own fault. He was the one who walked out on her. He'd ditched her because he couldn't handle it.

He'd never let himself down more than he did yesterday. He made the decision to go find her after another hour of wallowing in his own self pity. He was just sitting at his desk thinking about everything he'd done wrong. Everything that he had to fix because he wasn't brave enough to stay. He should have let her be angry at him for not being able to resist whatever was given to him. At least her tongue lashing would be quick, he'd know where they stood, what she felt, now he was just left in limbo.

He checked all her usual hangouts and found them all lacking. When he ended up at her doorway it took him a minute to gain the courage to knock. He'd been hoping to find her in a public place so she wouldn't yell too much. Not that being in public ever stopped Vala from speaking her mind.

When she didn't answer his knocks he let himself in.

"What the fuck?" The room was empty. Cameron began to panic. "Vala!" He shouted her name hoping that she was just sequestered in a corner out of view. When she didn't answer he started moving everything around. The room was a mess when he was finished searching, as if she would be hidden under a blanket somewhere. "What have I done? Goddamnit."

He knew that when she got scared she ran. He knew. This was turning into a nightmare. He needed to pull himself together. She wouldn't be able to get off base so quickly without help. She was clever and resourceful but she was also pregnant. She wouldn't just be able to waddle through the Stargate without authorization. Her large belly prevented her from disguising herself.

Could she walk out the front door without being noticed? He hoped not.

Standing around her empty room wasn't helpful either. He should go find someone to help him. Who would Vala have turned to?

Sam.

There was no question in his mind that Sam knew exactly where Vala was, how long she'd been gone and how to get him there. The question was would she be willing to tell him?

Wendy watched Vala inhale the pie that she'd just baked. The woman was acting as if she hadn't eaten in months. She was carrying a child and it looked like they were starving her. She'd noticed the dark circles around her eyes and was waiting for the time she could call her son and berate him.

"This is the best pie I've ever had." Vala moaned the words around a large forkful of the blackberry dessert.

"Dear, you say that every pie I make."

"That's cause every one is the best." Vala smiled and took another bite. She was on her third piece and she could tell this one might be her last for a little while. Her stomach was starting to rebel being stuffed so completely.

"So how far along are you?" Wendy had decided to feel out the questions that were okay for her to ask. She'd start with general ones and see if she could make her comfortable enough again to open up. She was a strange woman, but so loving and so delightful that she was happy to have her in the house.

"A little over six months." She squinted her eyes at the older woman trying to decide if this was going to be a trick to get her to talk about things that she knew she shouldn't say or didn't want to say.

"Boy or girl?"

"Ca…" God, she'd almost done it. "We decided to wait until it's born to find out. I am hoping that it's a girl so I can dress her up and do her hair." She babbled on about all the things that you can do with little girls that boys just won't tolerate. Vala hoped that wendy hadn't caught her slip.

"I bet you'd be happy with a boy as well."

"Mmmhmm. Probably be less sassy that way too."

"Well, I'm not sure about that, Vala. Cameron was full of sass as a child."

Vala's eyes lit up thinking about the kinds of things that he must have gotten into as a little boy. She wanted to know everything about him. At least she'd have something of the babies father to share later. If Cam didn't want anything to do with them now she still wanted the child to know what a great man he was.

"Tell me. I love your stories." It was true everything that Wendy had told her when she was in Kansas the first time was exceptionally educational and entertaining.

Wendy laughed thinking about all the trouble that Cameron got into. She pulled a particularly adventurous one about a fishing trip and a corn field and started to spin the tale for Vala. She saw her start to smile more as she explained Cam's mistakes and all the high jinx that it brought upon him. By the end they were both laughing.

Vala looked at Cam's mother, her smile was just like his or vice versa and the way her eyes seemed to sparkle with joy as she talked of her pride and joy. She knew then that she wouldn't be able to stay here long. She needed to leave before she couldn't.

It all overwhelmed her suddenly and Vala burst into tears.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you sick? Hurt? Is it the baby?" Wendy jumped out of her chair and pulled the one next to Vala closer. She sat close and put her arm around Vala's shoulders tugging her into a hug.

"No it's not the baby. Everything is…" Vala choked out another sob while she settled into Wendy's embrace. "Everything is fine." She cried harder then knowing that she was lying to one of the nicest people that she knew.

"Should I call someone for you? Cameron?"

"No!" Vala was a little to quick to refuse, much to harsh and she knew that his mom was already suspicious. "No." She said more quietly. "I'm okay, just tired, I think."

"Lets put you to bed then, dear."

She nodded and let Wendy lead her to her room. While the pie was cooking they'd fixed it up for her and the bed looked like a nice, inviting sanctuary right then. She thanked Wendy and told her she'd see her in the morning.

The clicking of the door shutting made her jump a bit. She'd already zoned out starring at the bed. A bed she'd slept in before. One she'd often thought about coming back to and sharing with Cameron. It seemed like such a grand idea to have him bring her home to his parents and to have him call her his when he brought her back.

He hadn't thought enough about their relationship to tell his parents that they were going to have a baby. Her dream of sleeping curled up next to him and waking up to the soft sunlight streaming in the window was fading away.

She started to pull her clothes off. Her belly was becoming more of a nuisance to work around and she teetered a bit sometimes. She pulled one of Cam's old academy t-shirts out of her bag. It still smelled like him, it was soft and broken in, her skin tingled as the cloth covered her. She yearned for him to wrap his arms around her and hold her against him like he used to after she'd put on his old clothes.

Vala slipped into the bed and snuggled deeply into the blankets. She flipped the switch on the lamp and let the darkness of the dusk engulf her. The sun had barely set but she was so exhausted that sleep seemed to be coming easily.

Maybe tomorrow it would hurt less.

She didn't think so, but maybe.

"Do you know where she is?"

Cam burst into the lab and Sam and Daniel looked up at him from where they were working to stare at him.

"Cam, hey, Daniel and I were just looking at the translations from the last mission site."

Carter blew off his question not wanting to answer him while he was already angry. It had taken him longer than she'd expected to figure out that Vala wasn't on base any longer.

"Don't play games with me, Sam, if you know where she is I need to know."

"She's fine." Sam went back to reading through the tablet that Daniel had finished transcribing. "Oh this is interesting. Do you think it has something to do with Merlin?"

"It could, but there was a lot about other Ancients th-" Daniel wasn't allowed to finish his sentence.

"Samantha Carter answer the question. I'd rather not make it an order."

"Mitchell you know you can't order my cooperation on that subject. If I do or do not know where Vala Mal Doran is that is my business. Her personal life isn't in your purview any longer." She saw him begin to break then. Her words seemed to be the final straw. He leaned against the wall and slipped to the floor. His face was in his hands and knees tucked up by his chest.

"I just want to make sure she's not hurt."

"She's not hurt."

"Sam…" He tipped his head back and looked at her across the room. She looked like she at least felt a little sympathy for him. "Please. I can't…"

"Daniel, can you give us a minute?" She didn't want to spread their business any further than it had already gone. He nodded and patted Cam's shoulder as he walked out of the lab shutting the door behind him.

Sam walked across the room and sat on the floor across from him, her back against the lab table in the middle of the room.

"I know I've fucked up, royally screwed her over. I get that. I can't take back what's happened though. I can only try to make it right." Cam hadn't begged so much in his life.

"I didn't exactly promise her…" Sam was torn. She didn't want to give Vala's location up so soon. She knew that she'd needed some time to cope with what Cam had done to her. However, it was clear that he knew how large of a mistake he'd made. She could see just as well as everyone else that the two of them were very much in love and in her heart she just wanted them to be happy. She was familiar with the hardship of not being able to have what you wanted in a relationship. It had made her crave what she had now with Jack for everyone else too. "But I don't know if you're ready to go after her yet. I'm not sure if she's ready."

"The longer I wait the worse it will be. She'll close down the windows and lock all the doors. I'll have to pick at the lock to her heart for a long time to fix it. You know how Vala is." Cam groaned and stood up. "I was trying to do this the right way. I didn't want to use my position in command as a means to finding her. But I'll just go check her subcutaneous tracking device if you won't give me the information."

"The thing is, Cameron, if you stopped to think about it you could figure out where she went. She'd never be allowed off world. Where else on _ithis/i _planet has she been? Where would she be able to stay? Who would take her in without question?"

He searched his brain over all the missions and came up empty. Where had she stayed long enough on Earth to form attachments?

Shit.

He was going to have a lot of explaining to do now.

"She went to my parents, didn't she?"

"Got it in one."

"Thanks, Sam." He flung the door open and pulled stopped by the phone on the wall. He needed a couple days of leave. He was going to Kansas.

He didn't bother packing a bag, he wasn't planning on staying long. Of course, Vala might not be as compliant as he'd like. He was going to bring her back to base and they were going to figure it out. Even if she was stubborn enough to refuse to leave he had clothes there. It was his parents after all. He wasn't exactly a visitor.

Unfortunately the Odyssey wasn't able to assist him, it had already left for it's next mission so he had to call in a couple favors to get on a flight. Sometimes being a pilot had it's advantages. Lots of old friends that were now flying commercial airlines. He was on the next flight out of Colorado Springs heading to Kansas. He rented a car, a fast one, and he conned Daniel into dropping him off at the airport.

His Military credentials moved him right through line and he was taking a seat on the plane in less than an hour after he'd found where she'd run off too.

The flight wasn't terribly long but he was still going stir crazy on the plane. His knees were bouncing and his hands were tapping against them. He was scared. He'd never messed anything up this badly. He'd done a lot of stupid things in relationships before but not with someone who he actually pictured himself staying with forever.

Cameron just hoped that it wasn't too late for them, that he hadn't driven her too far away because of his own selfish needs. Why couldn't he have looked past his own feelings and seen hers before walking out of that room?

The plane jerked as they hit a turbulent air space and he momentarily was pulled from his reverie. He looked out the window and saw how dark it was getting. He wasn't going to get there before she'd be in bed. He wondered if they'd even let him in now. How much had Vala told them.

Of all the things that bugged Cam, being in the dark was one of his least favorite. He had so much knowledge and he felt like with this he was flying blindfolded. He'd just have to hope that everything would work out for the better.

The crackle of the tires over the gravel brought Frank out to the porch. He'd been expecting Cam and he was surprised that he didn't get in until so late. It was close to midnight and he'd always thought that his son was fairly sharp. How could he have left that girl for so long?

He just stood at the top of the steps and waited. He watched him turn off the engine and fling the car door open. He'd splurged on the rental and gotten a shiny mustang, at least his taste hadn't suffered. As he exited the car he couldn't help but heckle him.

"Son, it sure took you long enough."

"Dad. Hey, yeah…" His dad was already on him. "How is she?"

"Why don't you worry less about how she is and more about what you're going to do to fix whatever it is that brought her to us. Pregnant and looking like she'd lost every friend in the world."

"About that…" Cam thought about his answer. He didn't really have any explanation that made sense. He couldn't divulge most of the relevant information anyways. "I don't think I've ever screwed up worse…"

"Luckily for you she really likes pie and your mother. She seems to have settled in well. I'm not sure how she is, she hasn't said much."

"She hasn't?" He was surprised, usually Vala's mouth was going off railing against anything and everything that had done her wrong.

"She's been pretty quiet as it turns out. Makes me think that there is a lot more wrong then she's even willing to let on."

Cameron nodded as he made his way from the car to the house. His dad seemed willing to let him past the threshold. Hopefully his mother didn't appear and deny him entrance. He was quite sure that she liked Vala more than him. Probably significantly more than him now. Especially if she'd let her in on the paternity of the child. After he got hell from Vala he was going to get it again from his mother. You don't keep impending grandkids a secret for months and not get an earful. Not that he'd had any prior experience. He was quite sure that he didn't need it.

He walked past his dad on the porch and held open the door to let him enter first. It was more of a bodyguard position then Cam wanted to admit. He was afraid.

"Frank, I heard voices…" Wendy Mitchell came around the corner from the kitchen where she spotted her son cowering behind his father. "Cameron Mitchell! It is almost midnight."

"Yeah, been up since six."

"If you've been awake so long why are you just getting here now? I thought that I raised you right. Leaving that poor girl to wallow thinking she was alone for hours. Alone and pregnant…" She took a shot, she'd only puzzled out what she thought might be true and she'd test it out on her very vulnerable looking son. "With my grandchild."

"She told you?"

"No, son, you just did." Frank patted him on the shoulder before walking back to his chair in the living room. "I'll leave you to your mother now. I can't help you any longer."

"How long have you known she was pregnant?"

"About three months…" Now it was going to be like a spanish inquisition. "I wanted to tell you guys in person. The phone seemed so impersonal. We just got caught up in… work and then things… happened."

"Didn't you think that we'd want to be part of it all too?"

Now she just sounded terribly hurt and disappointed. That was worse then her anger.

"Yeah, I knew that you would. I'm… I'm sorry."

"i'm not really the one that needs to hear that though. By not telling us you hurt her even more." Wendy walked over to him and looked him in the eyes. "I don't know what's gone on between you two. I do know that I love her like a daughter already. I know that you can still fix whatever's been broken but you need to do it quickly. She's not the type that waits on people. She won't belong to you for much longer if you don't make it right. Just because you can't give me the details doesn't mean I can't help."

He pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thanks, mom."

"Now get your butt upstairs and start fixing whatever you screwed up."

Cameron was careful when he cracked the door open. He knew that it often creaked and he didn't want to startle her awake.

She was on her side facing him, her eyes closed and the blankets were tangled at her feet. The air was warm and the pregnancy had her temperature higher than normal so she must have kicked them down while she slept. She was wearing his clothes, that old t-shirt was one of her favorites. The fact that she was still willing to sleep in something that was his gave him hope. He eased his way closer to Vala's sleeping form and saw the dried tracks on her cheeks from the tears. His heart clenched and he couldn't stop his hand from reaching out to run the pads of his fingers along her cheek.

Vala's eyes fluttered and opened slowly. He knelt down to her level.

"Cam?" Her voice was deep and garbled with sleep but nothing sounded better than his name on her lips.

"Yeah." He hoped that she was too close to her sleep state to remember that she was angry with him. He'd rather spend the morning facing her wrath then being kicked to the couch.

"You found me."

"Yeah," He wanted to say more but he didn't want to rouse her too much. She was quiet and complacent and he wasn't looking forward to another night of no sleep.

"I'm tired."

"I know, Princess, me too." She nodded against the pillow and looked down at the blankets.

"I must have been hot…" She reached to grab them and he was quick to help her. When she was all tucked in she looked behind her at the empty space. Her eyes flickered back to him, she sighed and lifted the covers.

"You sure?"

"Don't think you're getting off the hook that easily though. I'm just exhausted and…" She scooted into him when he settled behind her. "I need you. Even if I don't want to right now."

"I can't say I'm sorry you do. There are some other things I'll need to apologize for but sleep now."

His arm drew her to his chest and he rested his palm on her belly. He didn't like the cloth preventing skin contact so his hand slipped under the fabric and rubbed circles against her flesh. Her stomach was firm with their child under the skin. It seemed to be asleep because there wasn't any movement right now.

Cam could feel her drift off to sleep against him but he couldn't help himself.

"How are you feeling?"

"Honestly?" Vala didn't know if she wanted to say anything now. What she felt right at this moment wasn't anything that aligned with what she should be feeling.

"Of course. Always, Vala."

"Content. Just like the world is right again. I'm in your arms, pressed against your chest, I can hear your heart beat and feel your breath on my neck. It's perfect and I know it's so fragile right now that I don't want to move or speak or do anything to wreck it."

Cam just kissed her ear and hugged her closer. He couldn't re-assure her or tell her it would all be alright. He didn't know. He wasn't going to lie to her just to make her feel safer in what was happening right now. He had too much respect for her to do that.

"We'll figure it out. One way or another we'll work through it."

"Mmmmmkay Cam, can we sleep now? So tired."

"Yeah, baby, go to sleep." He was sure that she was slightly snoring by the time he finished the sentence. She must have been extremely exhausted. The guilt surrounded him and he couldn't find his own path to dreamland. So he just laid there and held her. His hand kept touching her belly. A soothing motion that was meant to keep her calm and help her sleep deeply. He owed her at least a decent nights sleep before what they'd put each other through in the morning.

Vala was alone when she woke up the next day. She swore that Cameron had been there but it must have all been a dream. She even smelled his scent all over her. Rolling onto her back she sighed and flopped her arm over her eyes. What time was it anyway? She glanced around the room and saw the clock.

"Oh my, this kid makes me sleep wonko hours." She muttered to herself as she saw that it was already past ten. She'd slept a long time. The bed was still so warm and comfortable but her bladder was dying for her to get up. When she knew she'd burst if she tried to hold it one moment longer she fumbled out of bed and walked to the connected bathroom.

His shaving stuff was on the sink and she paused to touch the small satchel for a second. So he had been there. Why had he left her alone this morning?

The pressure on her stomach abated as she used the bathroom and she yawned before cleaning up and brushing her teeth. Her hair was quite the sight in the mirror and she ran her brush through it until it was manageable. She put it into pig tails and then went to get ready.

As she exited the bathroom he was there. Standing by the door, leaning against the wall. She gasped in a breath, startled by his appearance, her hand flew to her chest.

"You scared me."

His face was masked and she couldn't glean his emotions from it. She hated when he blocked her out. Normally he was an easy read.

"Sorry about that. I didn't mean to. I just heard you moving around up here and decided to come… back up." Cameron was mad at himself. He could see the lack of a spark in her eye now. He shouldn't have left. He was a coward when it came to her though. He wanted to hold off, if only a couple more hours, the setting down he was going to get.

"I wasn't sure if you were real."

"Were you disappointed?"

They both hung on the words. She couldn't believe that he was going to come right out with everything. Vala supposed that it was best just to get it out there. Sink or Swim. Fly or Fall. Etcetera etcetera.

Cam couldn't fathom why he'd asked. Her answer was either going to wound his already bleeding heart or make him feel even worse with the guilt of ditching her yet again.

"I don't… I'm not sure I should answer that right now." Vala chose her words with care. They were hovering on the edge of the cliff and she didn't want to let either of their holds slip.

"I'm not sure why I asked it. I wasn't thinking. But, then, I haven't been thinking well lately…" He motioned for her to sit on the bed and when she did he grabbed the wooden chair and pulled it around and straddled it. He sat directly in front of her and settled his arms along the back of the chair. "Can we talk now?"

"You left me."

"Vala… I…" He didn't know how to defend his actions. He wasn't expecting her to get right to the meat of the discussion. He'd been expecting her to nibble on the side dishes first. There was no reason for him to expect this. Vala was never a beat around the bush kind of woman.

"The memories of what they'd done to me… to us. I was scared. I was sure that you thought I wasn't good enough and I needed you to tell me that I was. I wanted you to hold me and let me cry against your chest. I craved your arms around me…" Vala felt the tears return, she didn't try to hide them and didn't even bother to wipe them away, they just tracked down her cheeks.

"I'm the one that's not good enough for you."

Vala ignored what he said, for now. She held up her hand to stop him from speaking. She wasn't finished saying her piece. Her body was shivering from the chill in the room but she was too distracted to really care.

"I decided that I couldn't stay, not like that. I couldn't breathe underground with you in that mountain. I was feeling trapped, confined, unable to break free. I had to get out of there. I tried to stay that first night. I tried. But when I woke up alone it got worse. I've never been good at waiting or staying. Being on the team with SG-1 is the longest I've ever stuck with anything."

"You are an important part of-"

"Cameron. Please." She just shook her head at him and he settled back in to listen. "So I came here. I know that it was silly but I didn't have anywhere to go. Your mom and dad were so nice to me last time. I just really… I just wanted to feel a part of you still. To be with someone that's family. But when I got here, Cam, when she opened the door and saw that I was pregnant. She didn't… She didn't even i_know/i_. Your own mother didn't know you… we were going to have a child. Do you know how much that hurt?"

She saw him sit there still and quiet. His eyes locked with hers. She could see the tears forming in them but he refused to let them fall. But at least she knew that this hurt him too. She could see the ache in his chest as she spoke. Part of her was glad for it. It made her feel something more then anger and pain to see that he seemed to understand what she went through. He was good, despite her small bit of silence, he remained quiet, waiting for her to cue him to speak. Instead of allowing it she went on.

"It made me think that you thought so little of me and the baby that I'm carrying that you couldn't be bothered to tell your mother. Do you have any idea what that did to me? Do you?" She'd raised her voice but quickly regained her control. She couldn't upset herself she'd just become sick again.

"Vala, let me explain…"

"Not yet!" She screamed at him then and he started. She hadn't meant it, not really, but if it kept him quiet, so be it. "I don't like feeling like I'm something that's shameful. That our child is something to be hidden from its grandparents…" She paused again and collected her thoughts. "I think she guessed it was yours. She never said and didn't prod at me to tell her. She just took me in and held me while I cried. I tried to be strong, I tried to wait until I was alone. I couldn't. Why couldn't…"

She wanted to ask him why he wasn't there but she didn't know that she wanted the answer right then. She shivered again and wrapped her arms around herself. The chill finally permeating her consciousness. Her teeth chattered for a moment before she clenched her jaw and stopped them.

The silence seemed to last for hours but finally Cam asked if he could talk. She gave him a curt nod of agreement and he started.

"I want you to know that everything that's happened, none of it is your fault. It's all mine. All of it."

"It's not about-"

"My turn. I let you say your piece, Vala, now you get to listen." He could see her think about arguing but in the end she was too exhausted to care. "I know I shouldn't have ditched you in that room. I was so sick with what I'd done to you that I couldn't bear to see the look in your eyes when I touched you. I was sure that my hands on you would make you ill. That the thought of having to have my child, after knowing how it was made, would cause you more pain. I had to deal with my own actions before I could help you. If I hadn't left, If I hadn't worked it out I don't know… I'm sure it would have been worse. I didn't want to be so angry at myself that It bled over to being angry with you."

Vala nodded and slumped her shoulders more. She was relaxing a little having said everything that she felt she needed to say. The awful weight of not know what he thought was slipping away.

"When I discovered that you'd gone I panicked, sweetheart. I raced around SGC looking for you. Then I confronted Sam and demanded that she tell me. But She wouldn't. She protected you. She made me think and helped me figure out where you'd gone. I know that I didn't deserve the help, I don't deserve to have you back after what I did…"

"Why didn't you tell your parents?" She spoke quickly so he couldn't cut her off. She needed an answer. It had hurt worse, them not knowing, then when he'd walked out on her. She'd never felt so dirty and shameful in her whole life.

"I wanted to do it in person…" He sighed and left his chair. He took a chance that things were changing and sat next to her. There was a small space between them still but he was close enough to feel the heat radiating off her. With the physical gap closed he felt that the emotional one would soon follow. "I had tickets for us to come here. I didn't want to tell them over the phone. I wanted to show you off. You're so beautiful pregnant. I wanted them to be so proud of me and the woman on my arm. I knew how excited they'd both be and I wanted you to feel it in the flesh. To get pulled into mom's arms and hugged till you couldn't breathe. I wanted you to feel so loved that you would explode from it all."

"Really?" Her voice squeaked as she spoke. The tears were coming faster now. She'd been so wrong about his reasons. She couldn't bear the distance any longer. She fell against him and he immediately took her into his arms, hauling her into his lap.

Cam reached behind him and yanked the envelope out of his back pocket. The tickets sat inside, unused, marked for the next weekend.

"I already had the time off from Landry. I wanted to surprise you." She held them delicately, her fingertips traced along the print as if it were brail and she was blindly reading it. She touched the purchased date, four weeks prior, over and over. "I know how much you love surprises and vacations and pie."

"Oh, Cameron." She didn't know what to say. He'd still deserted her when she needed him. But he'd needed her too and she knew that she wouldn't have been any reassurance for him. It wasn't an excuse, but both of them were still learning what the other required. They were still new in this relationship. The fact that he'd already planned a way to tell his parents. The proof of it in her hands in case she'd been so blinded by her hurt that she wouldn't of believed him. Would she have known he was telling her the truth? She couldn't say. Part of her would have been niggling with doubt, but with the hard evidence, she couldn't feel anything but overwhelming affection. Love.

"What can I do to fix this… us?" He placed his lips on the crown of her head as she snuggled closer to him. Her belly bumped his stomach preventing her from getting as tightly against him as she wanted.

"I'm sure it will take loads of chocolate. Probably some pie, and some cake… Blue jello as well…" She could feel him smiling against her hair and it made her lips turn up into a smile. She felt like she hadn't been happy in forever.

"The way to Vala's heart is most definitely through her stomach." He let his hand rest over their child. He felt it kick at him and they both laughed. "Apparently this one's hungry as well." Her stomach growled it's current desire for sustenance then. "I better start right now by feeding you some breakfast."

"Cam?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Are we…"

"You tell me. I'm the one that needs the forgiveness."

"Promise not to leave me like that again." She tucked her head into his neck and inhaled. It felt so good to be in his arms again. She felt safe.

"I've learned my lesson, I won't be leaving your side. Not ever."

"Well I might want some time to myself."

"Too bad, Princess, you're stuck with me now." He tipped her chin upwards and pressed his lips against hers. The mint of the toothpaste still lingered and she opened her lips to allow him a deeper taste. He found her unique flavor and moaned. It had only been mere days of being apart but it felt like years. His hand moved to cup her cheek as they kissed. His thumb stroked her skin. Their kiss stayed soft and sweet. They breathed each other in and just felt their way back, until her stomach made another loud protest wanting to be fed.

"Better start making it up to me." She giggled and kissed his cheek before sliding to the ground. She flung her shirt over her head and started searching for some new clothes to wear.

"Woman, you better be careful walking around in only your panties."

"Hmmm… there might be another requirement to make it up to me too." She glanced down at his crotch and saw the interest there. "But not now. I'm starving."

She found a bra and shirt and quickly dressed. A pair of sweats were pulled on next and then she smiled at him. She held out her hand and he took it. Their fingers laced together as she dragged him down to the kitchen. As soon as the door was opened the smell of bacon hit her.

"I wasn't here when you woke up 'cause I was helping mom make you breakfast…"

"You know me so well."

"I know your stomach well anyway."

"Well, right now, that's the biggest part of me."

She winked at him and they went to eat. He would make an official announcement about the baby to his parents and he knew that they would fawn over her like it was the first they'd heard of it. His mom and dad would welcome his newly formed family into theirs without question. He liked that.

His family. He'd have to marry the girl now. But that was a discussion for another time.

He was sure she'd say yes. Well ninety percent sure. The other ten percent thought that she'd mess with him and then say yes. But in the end he knew the answer would be yes.

Vala had issues with the word 'no'. She didn't like to use it or hear it.

He smiled and thought about all the ways she'd tell him 'yes'.

"What are you smiling about?" They were almost to the kitchen.

"Just all the ways I can make you say 'yes'."

She hoped that he'd try them out later. For now she kissed him quickly and pulled him harder to the food. Nothing was going to stop her from eating. She was starving. She finally felt hungry again.

Vala knew that Cam would feed her everything she needed. He'd never make her miss another meal.

THE END


End file.
